I’m choking on the hurt that you’re feeling, and my heart is in shreds on the floor beside yours.
I know the ugly, hateful voices you’re hearing. The ones that say you’re less than worthless, the ones that tell you the only thing you’re good for is abuse. They can list with intimate fondness all of the ways you are contaminated, filthy, unworthy of want. They have a running tally of all the reasons you deserve to be discarded.
I know those voices. They scream at me, too. And I wish beyond all things that I knew how to shout them down every time. I wish I could share with you the magic trick of staring into all their ugly yellow eyes at once and telling them to
But it’s a trick that I have yet to master. I can tell you that it comes, inch by excruciating inch. All you need to start is to find just one thing. One single, infinitesimal reason to believe, really believe, that they might be wrong. (And. They. Are.)
Just that one tiny crack, and you can grow. Up, out, away from the muck and the murk, towards the sun. There will still be many, many days of storm and fear. Their voices get quieter, and yours becomes louder, and the balance shifts. I don’t think they ever shut up entirely, but you get better and better at shutting them down and walking away.
I wish I could gather your tiny sweet, perfect self close to my heart and infuse you with the sure and solid knowledge of your boundless worth. You deserve that certainty. You always deserved it. Not for one second in your life did you deserve to feel anything less than precious.
You are beautiful. Your heartvoiceself is remarkable, irreplaceable, invaluable. The shine of you is magic that will never happen twice on this earth and it should be seen and shared and celebrated, every single moment you are here. And you deserve to hear that from every person you grace with the privilege of a place in your life.
Really. I know it’s hard to believe. But I’ll tell you as many times as you let me.