yeah, i know …

… I’ve been not so forthcoming this last while. Not my fault! Blame school, and life, and stuff. Mostly school. I expected to learn. I expected to absorb information. But what caught me off guard is the need to re-frame how I express my own thoughts and observations in an academic context. It’s a fun game. But consuming. I tend to inhabit my frame of mind. I don’t switch back and forth easily.

Missing poetry brain, and the chaotic stirred up state that part of me used to dread and resist. I knew I needed to learn how to surrender to it and wander safely through it, but right now I wouldn’t even know how to find it if I went looking.

Twisting threads of creativity and control, hitting snags and knots.

    **************************************************

Also meanwhile untangling body image and relationships. The unfortunate ways previous relationships have shaped my body image and how my present body image makes me unwilling to risk future relationships.

But then I get tired of thinking about it, and I look at what I’ve built around me now and I can’t imagine changing any of that to make space for a partner anyway. My life feels kind of perfect, what with the whole power and freedom to do anything I want and stuff. Also, I would not willingly redecorate my space for anyone, at this point.

But maybe that’s a handy way to gloss over the absolute terror of even considering the possibility of upsetting the balance with something as failure prone as a romantic relationship.

Whatever. It’s me. And I’m always willing to be convinced otherwise. I think.

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2 thoughts on “yeah, i know …

    • Ohhhhh, yes, yes, YES! What a wonderful knack you have for bringing new strands.

      The pinterest paper doll world, such a perfect image.

      Absolutely to versefest, I couldn’t possibly miss it. Sad though, to miss your reading tonight, I will be at class.

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